Marriage counseling and perhaps some counseling for him personally. We both very quickly realized its quite safe, and a really interesting place to be, in a good sense. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationmobile homes for rent in patterson, la. There are some cultures where marriage is really about the blending of two families. I HATED IT! Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. We are driving 18 hours to get to my family reunion with our 2 year old and 3 month old (at the time). Thats not how this works!! Exactly. We had dinner at night and then literally went to sleep the moment we returned from dinner. People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). Next, things you can do. Collect them from travel agents and show it to your husband, wife or partner. I also am a pretty straight laced married woman whos been in the same committed relationship for two decades and most of those trips were without my partner. If youre the breadwinner, you obviously have to go on the trip. The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. But yes, OP, this does smell of jealousy. The place is set up for meetings and conferences, has so many airline and flight options, plenty of cabs/Lyfts/Ubers, and staff at the facilities has run into every possible issue that can crop up. This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? The only effective thing to do with anger is for one of you to walk away leave the house if you have to. If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. I won money on a work trip to Vegas - do I have to donate it to my employer? They are for sure marketing themselves as a place you can party it up (and you certainly can do that) but again, thats not unwholesome in and of itself. I just assumed hes lying about even asking anyone. This is a question for a marriage counselor and/or individual therapist. Im not diagnosing at all. So in addition to all his other faults, you then learned that he had asshole friends. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. Even if you dont get fired or demoted, youre showing that you arent reliable to do normal business things, and youre missing out on opportunities to grow your career and to network etc. Anxiety is also a real possibility and I hate how offhandedly its been dismissed in most comments. Agreed! Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. As someone in the convention industry, Vegas puts a LOT of effort into being a top convention destination (low cost, lots of large all-in-one spaces, lots of options for event entertainment), and pretty much every industry will have events that rotate through there. You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. This is a relationship problem, not a work problem. This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. Same. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Echoing this. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! :), That reminds me of this Captain Awkward letter: https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, Were now in a position where he thinks Ive made a mistake with the breakup, and that I did not adequately justify my reasons for ending it.. Learn more about, Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. But truly, its a secondary concern here. Exactly this. A few weeks after I started a great job, my mother-in-law literally messaged me and my husband to ask if we were able to put food on the table and should she send us money, so I can relate. I do NOT like it because OMG ALL THE NOISE ALL THE TIME, but I didnt ever feel unsafe. Forbidding is a different story). Post author By ; impossible burger font Post date July 1, 2022; southern california hunting dog training . We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for. In Vegas, these things are part of the fabric of the city. I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. It reminds me of what my parents always said to stop me doing things. Sounds great. I never felt less inspired to sin in my life. Sometimes there is no choice due to your family circumstances or mutual agreement, but this is not one of them. If his fears really are Vegas-specific, spending time there might help. While it has its own series of potential problems, leaving him in a hotel room in Vegas all day while shes in conferences might bore him into realizing the reality of the place. I knew a woman who was very sincerely pious and churchgoing and lived her Christian values. Last but not least, take some time for yourself. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). And if I only believed he was in danger because I have anxiety I cant control, this wouldnt help at allin fact, it would probably make the anxiety worse. I know that you arent the one with the issue, but just letting you know. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! But instead of abuse and control and severely anxious the LW might be part of a cultural/ethnic subgroup where her role as breadwinner (and one that is doing well) that is a woman who is making more than husband is not the norm in her community and there is all sorts of talking/gossiping/pressure in the background at play. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. Sure, its too much if youre super conservative, but then the root of the debate is not Las Vegas itself. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! Totally. Yes some people are probably going to jump all over me but let's be realistic here. LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. Well the place was built by mobsters to skin the rubes in casinos . Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. I was just sure my wife and son were either missing or dead. So theyre officially still working there. If this resonates with you, OP, about your husbands behavior, something important to know is that there is no appeasing this line of thinking. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. Id seriously question the value of marriage counseling at this point, unless hes willing to fundamentally change his views of his power over another adult. Maybe he needs counseling for anxiety. $57 foie gras burgers and stuff, just total lunacy. I LOVE it when my wife travels. OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. Yes, marriage counselling. Whatever the cause, a therapist will best equipped to help. This is a bigger picture problem, and I hope you are able to work it out. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). Yup, wholeheartedly agree. How To Travel Alone Without Ruining Your Marriage! Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. I also tried talking through some of his wilder concerns. What if he dies? Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. My husband was recently sent to Vegas for a week on two days notice and my response was pretty much the same. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. Vegas has more hotel rooms than any other city in America, and regular flights to an airport located in the city from every other major city in the country. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. Both are filled with similar anecdotes and stories. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. When does his flight land? And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. And insanely good airline availability and inexpensive flights. I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. My SO and I ate there in 2013, and he STILL sighs and says, That was a good burger, whenever Las Vegas is mentioned. But also, this is pretty clearly a business and financial question. It can feel very cruel to set boundaries and do what you need to do for yourself when it feels like your partner is suffering, but the accommodations are just very temporary band-aids. Has it been made perfectly clear that this trip isnt a mini-vacay/reward on the companys dime, but is -in fact- a work trip where you will be doing work? Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. The kidnapping angle *might make sense if it wasnt Vegas but, say, Tijuana. We would stop when we needed gas or a bathroom break but usually wouldn't be stopped for more than 15 min or so. Might I suggest Hotwire? I dont think thats something you really need to dive into OP (since thats not the real issue here), but I thought Id mention it to say that youre not the one thats offbase here. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. I admit I am one of the omg WHAT commenters. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation I made this comment on the most recent one of those! I was fine. Its not particularly reasonable to expect a teenager to make scheduled check-in calls, much less an adult! This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. I cannot stress how much this letter pisses me off. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. See a g- d- counsellor. The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. I dated a guy like that! Thats not out of reluctance to let either one out of their sights, but more because when they have the choice to be together, they will be together, and when its unavoidable, they make do as best they can. I wouldnt want him to go with work but only because I wouldnt want him to go without me, its our place! On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. It IS super pricey though!! Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource Yes, we fly in on Monday and are out by Friday. walk. Sounds great. This is great, Anon Poster. If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. Hed go get a hotel room, and give me a call; he wouldnt be instantly homeless and alone, and I couldnt magically fix a burned house anyway. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. Do please note, even if he does have terrible anxiety or other mental health issues, hes also behaving in a really sexist manner, and being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. I thought my mom was the only one like this. He would be excited, even. And yeah, they probably need some counseling, and people often start off with Marriage counseling before moving on to individual counseling *on advice of their counselor*! He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. I second counseling. I went to Vegas last year and didnt do anything Vegas-y, other than see one show. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. If the OP is part of running the conference/event, yep, theyll be lucky to find the time for 8 hours sleep each night. I think some boundaries are needed here. I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. He wouldnt try and prevent me from going on one of those trips because it is work, but he used to fret quite a bit and if I didnt text when he expected (or didnt have phone service) he would panic (as in call highway patrol level panic). my husband doesn't want me to go on a business trip to Vegas I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. Hopefully hes open to counseling/therapy, but if hes not, and he instead doubles down on not letting you travel (regardless of destination), I do think you need to consider an exit strategy. Yall need some marriage counseling. That hes asked several people for their opinion, and said opinions are I wouldnt let my spouse go to Vegas without me! I think this is a valid suspicion. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. Any time I read My spouse wont let me . I want to yank that person out of that relationship. Ahh, I was wondering where he found all these friends. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? If this isreally about more than the fear of cheating, it sounds like there arepretty serious anxiety issues in play here. Ill be honest, my first thought was not anxiety, but control and maybe future abuse. Just the past 2 weeks Ive taken a 3-day hiking trip, completely alone, and also a trail running workshop weekend with a group of other runners. Also, if youre like me and my Mother, your emotional reactions could spiral his emotions up, until youre making each other worse. It was very concerning. Im flummoxed that a whole group of people would respond this way to a very normal thing like a business trip, particularly when presented with the reasoning OP outlined in the letter. My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career. Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. People dont completely change upon touchdown in Vegas. or even where to eat dinner.
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