generalized educational content about wills. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. Loss is hard. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. Where would she like the service to take place? Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. Share a toast. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. (2.20) acche'dyo' yam adhaahyo' yam akle'dhyo' sya eva cha / nithyah sarva-gathah sthaanoor achalo' yam sanaathanah. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. Relatives may wish to sit at the patients bedside, sing. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. Your sister was a beautiful person. Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. 9. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. The bereaved family usually stays home from work for one week following a death. Everyone in this community respected your father. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. Many people follow thirteen days of. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Specific rituals depend on the patients affiliation to a particular Hindu tradition. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. 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However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. There is a Mukhagni ceremony where the family is given one last look at the deceased. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. Household items like decorative rugs, afghans and blankets make appropriate gifts to honor the memory of the loved one. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. Good Thinking provides a range of resources to help Londoners improve their mental wellbeing. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. We are very sorry for your loss. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. or the universal soul. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. This ceremony is attended by male family members and a priest. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. . Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Those who are emotionally close to the bereaved person may quietly ask How are you and give them a chance to express their feelings. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. 3. All Rights Reserved. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . is the best and appropriate choice. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. 12. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. Think through how you truly feel about it. It is often a custom and part of the Hindu death ritual for the family to share a meal together and offer prayers for the departed, themselves and their house. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. people will avoid going to the deceased house. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Serve his or her favorite foods. This link will open in a new window. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. Usually, Hindu families arrange the funeral ceremony within 24 hours after death. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. The family would have got over the immediate grief and anger by then, and will be receptive to conversation. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. Since you know that his mother likes lilies, you might want to wait a bituntil the activity immediately following your co-worker's death settles downand then send her the lilies. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. What kind of gift is appropriate for an occasion? There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. Twitter. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. Facebook. New threads and replies may not be made here. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. The guests should expect to see the body, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and take a seat quietly. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Funerals are emotionally complex, and knowing how to act can present a Its a difficult time, emotions are raw and theres a lot to organize. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. Not visiting other family or friends, though the relatives may visit the bereaved. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. It is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, immovable, and primeval. (2008). The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Today is a sad day for us.