my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. Our sex life slowed, separated, and each found partners. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. I NEED an active partner. What the heck! Hi What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). I would be willing to bet the majority of men in our position have gone above and beyond to save our marriages, only to get a SELFISH wife to deny us to the point that we lose all our self esteem. And lastly, dont discount masturbation as a solution. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! You're focusing too much on just the sexual aspect of . Two lovers need boundaries to choose their path. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? I feel so much pain amd resentment!!! Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. None of us know how to read, converse or think. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. Does your wife struggle with self-love? This is how civilizations are built. Every month Senior Planets award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! She may begin to stop seeing herself as a sexual being as she assumes the role of mother, a role that society often strongly desexualizes. The marriage is fine except for the sex. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? contrasts what my Wife and her 7 siblings and and an unstable Mother made her as the oldest have us take in 2 of her brothers early in our marriage. Pretty graphic stuff. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable I bet you think all men are stupid as well. I just dont understand. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. Its been over three months since weve had sex. Some get away with a happy one. . I have spoken to my wife several times. I in the same boat as your husband. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. Guys. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. Do I disgust her? Agree Sean. We were both virgins when we married. Share the moments and activities she loves and see how your desirability shoots for the clouds. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. No way! I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. That may be one reasons why so many husbands. She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. Here after all of this, what I am trying to say Stan, is if you feel as if your wife really and truly does not want to have anything to do with sex, maybe, as with my wife, her spirit has been broken and if that is the case, she very much needs your understanding more than ever before in your marriage. I decided to work the night shift and made it my thing. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. Sure. Remember its never too late to start. Should they swallow it just to make you feel good? My advice would be to sort these problems out before the years pass and certainly before there are children as I think most men have a stronger sense of loyalty and decency than they are often given credit for and are willing to forgo what is a very primal need for the sake of a stable relationship. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. The nipple is not an on and off switch. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! Be true to yourself, and your children. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. Please, do us all a favor and retire from the one thing you SHOULD be retiring from-giving advice. Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. All information is confidential. 1. Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. Ever again. She is 33. You need to leave her. On fantasy world would be 24/7! Suddenly it all makes sense. not someone to basically jerk off into. You need to find a woman who respects you and wants to be intimate with you on a consistent basis. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. I am so tired of these therapists and all there lets support the one who doesnt want sex but dismiss the one who is still in love and desires romance more than anything with KEEP MASTURBATING It will only create more distance between you. I will do what makes me happy because obviously no one else will. Is there anything I can do. Marital counseling can help couples identify underlying conflicts and improve their communication skills. Divorced quickly. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. 60s, 70s. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. I mistakenly intercepted several text 2. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. But dont give up! We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. . What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. Mayo clinic advises to avoid, because they are not FDA approved and because they didn;t go the pathway of long term human trials are to be avoided. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. Its worth discussing with your doctor. I love her. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. Then, I got a highly aggressive, estrogen- fired breast cancer. And I cook, shop for food, take care of dogs and have. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. My doctor keeps a close eye on me too. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? Shortly after, our daughter in law and our granddaughters moved out of state. We were together for 14 years. Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. 9. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. At your age, dont run until you exhaust all your options. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. But at 50 she started to loose interest and dry up. As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. Neither partner should have to feel obligated to satisfy the other out of some outmoded quasi religious relief or instruction, my wife is wonderful in many ways but now has reached, she believes, a stage[67] where she has no desire, except release masturbation , thats my misfortune but I try to understand. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. It's not about love - you love him, no question. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. Were in a lifetime partnership. Theres no divorce possibility. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. My 20 year marriage imploded because my husband completely lost his testosterone at age 55. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. I miss the simple things. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. I also think they pretend to be happy. Risk cheating get a divorce or anything ??? Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. Read the first sentence again. Never unfaithful. The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. We try vaginal sex sometimes but even lubing doesnt help all that much. There were a lot of issues toward the end of our marriage, and we divorced. Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. Porn is the no. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. Thats whats even more hurtful. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. We had an active sex life and I miss the physical part of our lives. There are books that can help guide you. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. She actually told me that my friend who went through a similar situation was in need of therapy because his wife caught him watching porn. If your wife is struggling with mental health concerns, anxiety, or depression that are not being handled professionally, gently encourage her to talk with someone about how shes feeling. Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? Our mouths and fingers still work! Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. It may be helpful for her to speak with her doctor about her struggles with libido, if relevant, to see if an adjustment in her treatment plan may help. Then, let the pouting begin. . I am not willing to live the last 15-20 years of my life without affection, at least. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? Thank goodness we get along well in every other area, however Im at a loss. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! My husband has no sex drive at all. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. 2 weeks later I spoke to her again and ended up asking if she knew what I was suggesting. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. And one factor is being a caregiver. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. Theres more to life than that, theres more to life than escapingtheres connecting deeper with your partner, taking more trips, spending more time together, learning more skills, building or supporting others together, getting involved in your communities more! Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. Start by considering and working through any and all interpersonal, emotional, and relationship issues. Is like 5 times a year.! I enjoy sex, but I am often fatigued and have low energy. Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. We men are not brain dead. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! Im in ok shape, not overweight . Any discussion goes nowhere. I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. I appreciate the fact my wife has accepted our sexless marriage but I wish I knew what was causing these awful dysfunctions that make sex impossible, Oh my the first paragraph is me and my wife all over just had silver anniversary its been sexless since I was about 35 Im 52 now she no longer initiates intimacy wont kiss or cuddle hates being touched no toutching or anything of that disgusting behaviour treats sex as dirty and says Im old enough to know better gave similar resolution said find someone else but canot as Id be cheating I love her but this is not living promised change every year on Holliday well do it when we get away never happens maybee I am selfish for wanting intimacy with her but wont talk about it were just stuck in a rut its a cave and were going nowhere Im still fit keep trim and look young I have a young outlook whitch she hates but hey ho good luck all I feel less frustrated reading some of these comments xx, My husband who is 80 is 15 years older then me and has health problems so on a lot of meds our sex life finished 4 year ago going down hill gradually I get very upset as there seems to be no affection between us at all he seems quite happy living like this I love him dearly so would never leave him but its hard for me every day, Oh bullshit, a womans answer to wife problems is communicate how you feel to her. Were just a hole for your pole . However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. I get angry, then sad and depressed. We lose ourselves. Additionally, she should see an endocrinologist who can check her thyroid. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. I understand all the reasons she doesnt want sex except one, if she actually loves me wouldnt there be some effort? And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Not the husband its always the mom. It will make you horny as hell, however. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. !, so we better act tough, ya know! But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Whether male or female, each of us made a promise to love and honor our partners either through marriage or by living together. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. Yeah, wrinkles and less hair (me), but sex is as good as ever! If they need get that only from you, so be it. I think it is true that having sex with your partner is part and parcel of the love you feel for each other otherwise it just seems to fade. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. She always had 2 orgasms before me. But if its truly my duty.. I have a high libido and masterbate frequently, which I know she is aware of. An underlying, undetectedmental health issue can affect sex drive. She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. But it will quickly fade again once their needs are met. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. But just remember, mature willing women are unicorns. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. Frustrated. I started seeing sex workers. My ex was 16 years younger then me. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Its such an insult to your wife when you guys do that and .makes us ashamed of our bodies especially after having your baby we will never get our bodies back the same way it was before we got pregnant and you watching porn with photoshops were women to look at if they really look like that makes us feel you are body shaming us. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. Am I undesirable? There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. and I feel I have been cheated. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. 19. Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. Addressing these issues will likely buoy your sex life naturally. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting.